Christine Susanna wrote:

This is a story from someone whom I never knew. I've sent this before, but since some people weren't able to open the file, I thought that I should retype it in Email text and tell you guys a bit about myself and how I feel, to share and to show how much I respect all the things that all of you have done to us here in Indonesia.

This is what this person wrote :

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Dear Friends,

How r u? This far everything's fine with me. My hand-written here is what really happened to me... just to describe what really happened...and What I feel... Thanks for reading...

This condition makes me really crazy... I get trapped in my relative's house for a few days... that's terrible!!!!

I just came to Jakarta on Wednesday by train... on the way I got so Many calls from my friend... tell me not to come to Jakarta... very dangerous! But I'm on my say there, so...

Reach Jakarta... I don't know where to go... my office in Sudirman Is crowded... my home in Citra, but Grogol & Kalideres is dangerous... My campus in Salemba is fully crowded by students... riots & demo...

Decided to go to my nearest relatives.. in Jakarta Kota around Mangga Besar... and that's the beginning...

Being there from that time... like in the middle of the war... from That night I cannot sleep well... standby with my handphone 24 hours...

That night... the condition become worse... fire ... everywhere.. Around the house... Glodok, Mangga Dua, I just see smoke and fire around me.

I see the fire... and hear a happy 'hooray'... when something get burnt... lovely home... business office and 'ruko'... cars everywhere... and ... man... human being.. trapped in the fire... screamed...

that's also happened in all around Jakarta, as seen on tv... all the time and heard on radio... all the time...

In the middle of that I did not see any police around ... or the fireman... what is wrong with all this people... When people get 'crazy'.... no one come to help... will they let everything go on?... Let people follow their 'naluri perikebinatangan' (The sense of the beast)... like in the middle of the jungle...

The next day,... everything go worst.. fire ... more and more... and The people start to take everything from everywhere.. the electronic Shop in Glodok and Pinangsia.. also the home equipment... they might steal

It over human blood... I don't know...

I see people come and go in front of my house.. with the tv... CD player... washing machine... 2 doors refrigerator... computer... VCD... handphone.. all brand new... even people come and go with the office chair .. table ... typewriter... All people... a man with 'peci' (moslem hat).. a girl on 'jilbab' (moslem women scarf on their head)... children.. teens.. all ages.. all races.. all people

In the middle of fire.. smoke... and alarm.. And it happened in all around Jakarta, as seen on tv... all the time... and heard on radio... all the time...

What is wrong with this entire people? Do they know that they take It over people's blood?... (Maybe... their sense of belonging is really 'good'). But they did it...

That night.. I cried.. in the middle of the dark night.. but still In the middle of fire and smoke... what is going on with this people... this country. MY INDONESIA (even that I am Chinese Indonesian)? What will be happened tomorrow.... what is the future?..

I prayed to my God... please help us God... give me your rain... it might be better in the middle of the rain... people will be calmer... Please open people's eyes... see the reality... they might not know what they've done... close by the Satans... please forgive them... make Them realize... stealing.. killing.. that is not His way.. please help us

God...

I fall asleep on the couch.. suddenly I woke up... It rained... I feel so happy... it's a miracle ... He listen to my pray... Thank you God... But in fifteen minutes... it stop... I see the people down there... Oh my God.. they start again... doing stealing and burning... come and Go with everything they can take

It's a hard day... a fall asleep... with my handphone stand by 24 hours.

The next day... the sun shine brighter.. hopefully it would be a Better day... I see the people down there... keep stealing... burning... About 11 am.. the army come... with gun & 2 tanks.. Thanks God... I Am sure they are the savior.. They start check everything in Glodok... caught the robber.. keep shooting.. with the rubber bullet... not mean to harm people... It's really like a war.. door door door everywhere...

And one time.. when I see lot of people running with all the steal...the army shoot tear gas.. o my eyes... it's really hurt... this really does a war... what is going on with this people... this country... MY INDONESIA (even that I am Chinese Indonesian)? What will be happened tomorrow/... waht is the future?

Well, that time everything become clearer... everyone just think About himself... so selfish... just think of wealth and money... Don't they know what will be happened after all of this? After all the crisis,., economic... politic... and now.. all the business bankrupt.. finish... there will be more jobless.. economic condition become worse and worst...

Then ... what happened? ...All the expatriate leave Indonesia... all The foreign capital run out from Indonesia.. My Indonesia... that has Been built through years and years.. The capital Jakarta has been

paralyzed... down... and I said My indonesia ... "Sudah Jatuh... Tertimpa Tangga... Tersiram BBM -Bahan Bakar Minyak.... Terbakar Api"... All Finished... <After fell down... fallen down upon by a stair... poured by gasoline... burnt by fire= *the first 2 short sentences are Indonesian traditional proverbs-Christine*

The next day was Saturday... I went to West and North Jakarta... Kebon Jeruk, Grogol, Kalideres, Serpong, Tangerang... it was so sad... so Many places burnt... especially one near banking institution and supermarket... I went home for a while.. my maid said that there is nothing to buy ... even we have money... all become so expensive... in traditional market... 3 or 5 times more expensive... Oh God!!

The next day was Sunday.. I went to East Jakart.. again I saw trouble..from Senen, Rawamangun, Jatinegara, Cipinang, and again on my way home... in Grogol, Daan Mogot, Cengkareng, Kalideres...so sad... what is going on with this people.. this country.... my Indonesia (even that I am Chinese Indonesian)? What will be happened tommorrow... what is the future... of MY INDONESIA?

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I got this mail from my sister who's in Rhode Island. I don't know this person, but I hope all things will be well with him/her.

Thank you so much for keeping in touch with us. And all your efforts to help us out in your own particular way. I think I can share you a bit about myself.

I'm a Catholic since I awas born. I belong to a big family, with 4 other sisters (who're all Catholic, except for Mom and Dad) and many relatives. I'm 22 years old. An undergraduate in Tarumanagara University who still have to finish her thesis. I'm supposed to have my comprehensive final test around July or August, graduate on October, and then continue to pursue my master degree in the Philippines as planned. But now I guess, studying abroad would only be a figment of my imagination. This is one of the thing that've been so disturbing in my mind.

So far, we're still safe. I'm staying at my cousin's house at the moment, since this real estate comprise mostly Chinese, and they've been forming a defense group together with some army staff here (holding day-n-night shifts and building baricades), so it's assumed to be safer than my place. We're moving out to anticipate the rumors about a big chaos that's supposed to happen on May 20.

My house is in the West side of Jakarta, and my cousin's is in the North side. On the way to his house, I saw a lot of things that scared me and saddened me.

Most buildings were burnt, or most windows're broken. Houses singed And there are a lot of written remarks on walls or on the streets such as "Die Chinese" or "Tell Chinese to go home" or "Damn Chinese" or "Good Chinese is Dead Chinese" or "Kill all Chinese people"... all that.

Buildings which're still safe are buildings with posters, signed "Belong to Natives" or "Belong to Haji <name" or "Natives live here" or there are Arabic words from Al Quran. I don't know how we are suppose to feel reading those remarks... Not that I'm blaming them, natives too were in danger during that time. I guess, they're just trying to protect themselves.

All the news and papers said "JAKARTA IS NOW BACK TO NORMAL". Normal??? NORMAL?!?!?! How could they said "NORMAL"??? Things will NEVER be normal.

Look at me... a good friend would refered me as 'cheerful', 'happy-go-lucky', 'everything-also-can-do type of person'... I was, but being relax and cheerful are quite difficult for me to do now, even if it is one of my habits. It's hard for me to sleep... I don't even dare to turn on the TV too loud... I'm afraid to leave the house.. I jumped each time I hear falling-things sound... I felt strain each time I see native people and relieved when they showed a friendly gesture... I don't want to sound like a pathetic spoiled brat. I'm hangin on, thank God and thanx to all of you, and I'm trying to be my-ole-self again. I can't afford not to be, I don't want my family to be too burdened. That's why I want to thank you, coz you have helped a lot.

Jakarta seemed calmer, yes, but all major economic area are paralyzed. And we're supposed to wait for the next election which will be held in about 6 months. If we can't reform AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, how can we survive? 6 months may sound like a little while. But consider the paralyzed situation in Jakarta, no one (especially from the middle people like me) dared to continue doing business "as usual". Who can guarantee safety? All the high prices. All the tensions between natives and non natives. Most Expatriate and Chinese Indonesian (who played a major role in running the economic wheel in Indonesia) have left

Indonesia. Most banking and financial facilities're ruined.

International institution?? Even IMF's busy sending his staffs back. Every country ordered his embassy staffs to go home. If every embassy In Jakarta's empty, where can we find sanctuary if things're for the

worst? Even ASEAN who've been asked about its plan to help out Indonesia, said,"What help? Why should we? We believe Indonesian government can handle things quite properly." I guess, that's exactly what ALL international institution thought about this situation.

I'm confused, outraged, sad, and sick of all this. But I'm also grateful because God still protects my family and relatives up until now, my native neighbours still want to help us, and there've been a LOT of friends from all over the world who have offered me their prayers and help.

God Bless All of You.

In the Love of God

Christine