Reflection Journal
Yahya Cahyadi

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Many people, in their reflection journal, write about the optimism and excitement that they have towards Indonesia. In mine, I need to write about the anxiety and restlessness that I experienced during my trip back to Jakarta. I do not think that my observations about life in Jakarta necessarily apply to life in other parts of our country. To be frank, I hope that they do not.

I had the opportunity to take quite a long trip home in 2006. My student visa expired in July, and my employer decided to send me home to renew my visa. I spent three months in Indonesia and came back to the US in October 2006. I knew even before my trip started that I would be privileged in the sense that once I got home, I would be able to observe everything partly as a person living in that reality (because I really was there) and partly as an outsider looking in (because I knew I would be there only for a short period of time). But that did not prepare me for what I was going to see and feel throughout my stay.

Living in the US affords one to build a balanced life. In cities like Madison, WI, where bookstores, libraries, and recreational spots abound, we have abundant access to opportunities for both self-edification and escapism from our daily routine. The impact this has on me is personal. Borrowing from a favorite Kuyper quote, “There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry: “Mine!””, as Christians we are compelled to continuously expand our horizons, sharpen our thinking, and are invited to enjoy the gifts of nature that He has given us. And I find that there are a lot of opportunities to do just that in the US. In the midst of my commitment to my ministry and my work, I am able to continuously explore, pursue, and develop the interests and talents that God has invested in me. And when I just need a break, the piers in Lake Mendota always welcome me to come, sit down and enjoy the scenery.

How different it is in Jakarta! It did not take me long to realize that for most of Jakartanians, life is one-dimensional: it is about money. But money has different meanings to different groups of people.

Most of us come from the middle- or upper- class families. It seems to me that in this demographic group, money is seen merely as a way of keeping score. In a city where a cup of Starbucks coffee actually costs more than what it does in the US, you need a lot of money to entertain yourself and impress others. And so starts the vicious cycle: people work so hard just so that they can outspend, outdine, and outride their neighbors.

What is more saddening is that they seem oblivious to any other alternative to their current lifestyle. They live for themselves, as if they have no one to be accountable to but themselves. As I was discussing this with Ellen—who has been back to and working in Jakarta for the last 1.5 years, and also shares my experience—she brought up a good point that seems to explain, at least partially, the cause for such a selfish lifestyle: people simply have no chance to slow down. This level of consumerism has turned people into little wealth-building creatures who work simply so they could spend. But where do people go when they need to get away from it all? Certainly they need to take a break once in a while. Well, when everywhere you turn you see nothing but malls, malls, cafes and more malls, you really do not have much choice. It is just sad that people turn to more consumerism as a cure for their consumerism.

To people who come from the lower economic class, money means survival. During my three-month-stay, I tried as much as I could not to bother my parents when it comes to transportation matter. So a lot of times when I had to travel, I opted to take the public transport. My parents live in Karawaci, a small suburb 20 km west of Jakarta. Getting from my house to the Sudirman area involves switching buses twice and costs Rp. 8,500 one way. I remember that I was struggling with myself to make sense about how, if this was expensive for me, others could survive. If we do the math, a person who works at the city center and lives in the suburb, would have to spend close to Rp. 500,000 a month just on transportation cost alone. To many people who actually utilize the public transport, that amount equals to 50% of their monthly income. To hope that they can live peacefully and sufficiently, let alone thrive and be more involved in their society under such a condition, would be to commit a great ignorance on our part.

It is probably almost a blasphemy to compare my personal experience with the kind and level of struggle that Dietrich Bonhoeffer had in mind when he was writing The Cost of Discipleship. But if you allow me to make a reference to his writing in that book, I would share to you that I found it almost impossible to be a true follower of Christ in Indonesia. It would have been so much easier to just run away with my salvation in hand, becoming a part of the culture. It would also have been almost equally easy to withdraw from the reality, separating myself from the society by limiting my scope of ministry to within my family and church circle. It was a claustrophobic feeling: while I was there, I felt as if I was surrounded by walls of selfishness and despair (for not being able to do anything), and that they were closing in on me.

But I am also grateful for the very same feeling. It provides me with an idea of the kind of preparation that I need to do while I am here. In my five years of involvement in ICF, I have sat down in too many “contextual mapping” discussions. But I now realize that to fully understand the reality, it is not enough to participate in intellectual and philosophical drills. I need to understand the impact that these problems bring to the society down to the personal level. I need to understand why the culture of consumerism goes unchallenged in Jakarta. I need to fully grasp the pain of those living in pain and poverty to be able to see where God really is calling me. I need to come up with a concrete plan on how to challenge the culture of selfishness, and make relevant both the truth of the Gospel, the fact that we are accountable to God and God only, and the understanding that we are called to serve our society. Most importantly, I also need to fully acknowledge, appreciate and anticipate the effects of living in such a harsh reality will have on me personally.

Yahya Cahyadi graduated from University of Wisconsin-Madison. He is currently working as a software engineer for a civil engineering company in Wisconsin.

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